I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just pee around me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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