yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
