So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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