the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
