I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
