I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
