the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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