does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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