I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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