He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
