I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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