I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
