If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
