I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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