yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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