Farmville is her only friend.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
