So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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