i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
