Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
