Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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