road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
