I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
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I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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