Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
