Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
