I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
