I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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