Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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