dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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