she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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