oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
