He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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