It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
