hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
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