Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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