3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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