I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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