HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Blood and glitter go together right?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
