i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
no, he came in my armpit
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Let's paint friendship bongs
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
