I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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