It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
