Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
