i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
