I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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