I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
