After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
