I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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