3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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