i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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