I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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