So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
