you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
this beer tastes like vomit already
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
