was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize