STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
