so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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