I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize