I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
