I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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