you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
