Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
