mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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