If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
