Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
