Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
