the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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