yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
