Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
