What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
