I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
