You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
