Who did Billy Mays play for?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
