I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
