I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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