1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
