This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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