shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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