Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Panties = found
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
