OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
