Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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