HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
