I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
