We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
