He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
